Too Funny for Words...

... well, that would be Dennis Hastert, it would. The tubby fellow from Illinois (R-Nouveau Riche) takes umbrage at the FBI raiding the offices of a Democratic House member in a bribery/influence peddling/corruption case.

Will wonders never cease. Of this affront, Hastert is quoted as saying:

"The actions of the Justice Department in seeking and executing this warrant raise important constitutional issues," House Speaker Dennis Hastert, an Illinois Republican, said in a statement last night. "I expect to seek a means to restore the delicate balance of power among the branches of government that the founders intended."

This is a bit like Lucretia Borgia whining to the waiter that the wine was corked.

Hastert went on to say, "since the founding of our republic 219 years ago, the Justice Department has never found it necessary to do what it did Saturday night, crossing this separation of powers line in order to successfully prosecute corruption by members of Congress."

Well, the man from Illinois with the many chins failed to add that he and fellow conspirator, Tom DeLay, had done everything possible to prevent adequate oversight by the House Ethics Committee, up to and including introducing new rules preventing the removal of DeLay from his Majority leadership after his indictment.

What Hastert did not say was that the execution of this search warrant scared the livin' bejeebus out of him and all the other Republicans who've had their hands in the cookie jar since they took over the House in 1994.

What Hastert did not say was, "holy shit, that could have been _my_ office they're searching. They might have found all those thousands of $198 checks from the Turkish-American Friends Society." Or, something like that.

What Hastert did not say, but was thinking, "now, thank goodness, ethics are the Democrats' problem, but I'll bitch about this after the warrant is executed, so maybe they won't do it again with us."

What Hastert did say was, "I expect to seek a means to restore the delicate balance of power among the branches of government...." What Hastert meant to say was, "... now that Jefferson's chops are in the frying pan."

Delicate balance? What delicate balance? What's been going on for the last near five-and-a-half years has been nothing but the Ballet of the Steamrollers. George Bush want, George Bush say, Congress do. War, destruction of civil rights, tax cuts for the Westchester set, an energy bill that converts money to pork, a Medicare drug plan that's under-the-radar privatization and a gift to Big Pharma? Bring `em on--get those steamrollers in here!

Lies about war, lies about destruction of civil rights, lies about tax cuts, about Medicare, about Social Security, about fatcat contracts to the Vice-President's friends, outright gifts of taxpayer funds to oil companies making record profits, oh, no, get them steamrollers outta here, now! Denny Hastert running from the podium [well, the pork-loving, waddling equivalent to running], screaming, "Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee don' wannnnnnnnnaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa knooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww...."

Attention! Attention! Brain-dead woman available for political exploitation. Get her on the steamroller, tubes and all, and get that President back from that vacation abyss he's been on--there's political work to be done in this here House!

Delicate balance? Between what and what? This Republican Congress has been a juggernaut of corruption and a rubber stamp for Bush and for anyone with big money to spend for years, and suddenly, Dennis Hastert is concerned about the integrity of the institution?

Too friggin' funny for words.