Belaboring the Obvious

Thursday, May 07, 2009

America, meet your modern GOP... Part II....

I was going to ignore this--because from the very start, it was just flaming stupid.

But, this bozo has generated the greatest fast-food faux scandal since John Kerry refused to have that odious shit called Cheez Whiz on his Philly cheesesteak sandwich.

I was going to ignore it, but, I see that this anal retentive legal eagle has now extended his original inanity to ten updates.

To recap, Obama went out for a burger with Biden, and, quelle horreur!, asked for a spicy mustard or a Dijon on his, and this painfully rectal legal genius finds that MSNBC's not loudly recording Obama's request for posterity is the greatest conspiracy since the Grassy Knoll.

Now, one wonders if this guy is a major stockholder in French's Foods, or if he's just got a thing for yellow mustard. More likely, though, is that he's a strong proponent of the GOP's Americanism principle: if we say it's anti-American, you can take it to the bank.

You see, it's very important for the right-wing loonies to see all people that are not right-wing loonies as anti-American, so, just like Tailgunner Joe McCarthy, they're always on the lookout for evidence of anti-American behavior, such as violating culinary tradition.

Like Mexican food? You're in favor of illegal immigration.

Like Chinese food? You're a closet Maoist.

Like French cuisine? You're a cheese-eating surrender monkey.

Like Thai food? You're a... hold on, what the fuck is that? Hey, that's like Vietnamese food, ain't it? Commie!

But, above all, not eating "traditional" food is indicative of multicultural awareness, and, mortal sin of sins, suggests a strong tendency toward that commie evil, "diversity." If you hadn't slept through Cultural Anthropology 101 at Archie Bunker University (not an accredited institution), you would know that... just like William A. Jacobson does.

Word to the wise administrator at Cornell U.: Give this man tenure. At least, that way, we know where he is at all times.


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